I want to hear about your experiences trying to get your tubes tied, whether young, old, child free or if you have 10 kids! Time to voice your opinion.
Here is just a few of the millions and billions of things that doctors and breeders can and will say to us who are trying to lead a childfree. Have you had any bingos thrown at you? What else should I add to the list?
•“you look at it differently when it’s your own child” (what, the screaming and crying? — the secretions and excretions? — the fact that you’ve had to give up all of your own personal interests and goals to spend 24 hours a day focused on a completely helpless and dependent infant? — I’m sure you do look at them differently when it’s your own child — because at that point, you have no choice but to put up with the mess and exhaustion, all the frustrations and disappointments — society doesn’t allow you to give a kid back after you realize that you’ve made a massive mistake and you are completely miserable in the role of parent — and I don’t want to risk being trapped like that — so I’m making the choice up front, while I still have a choice, not to put myself in a position where I have to see things differently just to get through each day without killing myself or my child — I’ll just stand right over here where I still have some perspective and observe, thank you very much)
•“you’ll forget all about the pain of labor” (it’s not the pain of labor that worries me, it’s the 18 years of pain that follow — a little blood and agony isn’t going to stop me from doing something I really want to do — for example, I’ve crashed while rollerblading in the past, but I still keep strapping on the skates because I enjoy all of it, even the injuries — but if I don’t want to do something in the first place, like childbirth, the threat of pain is just an even bigger disincentive to avoid that activity in the first place)
•“don’t you want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet around the house?” (I already do — that’s why I have cats — I firmly believe that as humans, we have an intrinsic need to care for something smaller than ourselves, but who says it has to be a child? — I get all the affection and unconditional love I need from my furbabies — they’re cuter than most kids, just as interactive and responsive and amusing, but they’ll never ask me for the car keys or yell in my face that they hate me and wish I wasn’t their parent)
•“who will take care of you when you’re old?” (my well-funded retirement plan and the very attractive 20-something houseboy with the firm buttocks that I plan to hire — seriously, how selfish is it for folks to have children in order to burden those kids with looking after their elderly parents some day? — my philosophy in life is “take care of yourself,” and that means planning ahead for my eventual mental and physical decline — I much prefer to know that I’ve got enough money in the bank for a high-quality staff, complete with gourmet chef and masseuse, rather than expecting a possibly resentful and overworked son or daughter to wipe my drool and carry me to the bathroom when I can’t make it on my own anymore — and since I’m not having kids, I’ve got plenty of cash to put in that retirement account!)
•“what if your parents had decided not to have kids?” (then I wouldn’t be here to argue with you, and I wouldn’t know the difference — true, you would have been robbed of my scintillating wit, my brilliant logic, and my sparkling personality — but I’m a flyspeck in the grand scheme of things — the world would have kept on revolving, even if I weren’t here to brighten everyone’s day — the same is true of my perpetually unborn children)
•“he/she would be precious with your eyes and his nose” (that might be the case, but that’s not a good enough reason to bring a child I don’t want into the world — folks talk about the child-free decision being selfish — but how selfish is it to create a little “mini-me” just so people will compliment you on what nice genetic code you’ve got? — if the only way you can validate your existence on the planet is by creating a carbon-copied-clone of yourself, you might want to rethink your priorities)
•“your biological clock is ticking” (I took the batteries out of my biological clock a long time ago — certainly, all females have a timetable for reproduction — you only get so many eggs, and so many years, and once they run out, you’re S.O.L. — but the capacity to conceive and a deadline for doing so does necessarily lead to a desire for children — this idea that all women come hard-wired with an evolutionary need to reproduce is a myth — and there has never been one shred of scientific evidence that the uterus comes with any kind of automatic alarm or reminder system — to suggest that intelligent human beings are at the mercy of their hormones is ludicrous — there’s more to wanting a child than just knowing that your ovaries are going to shut down one day — you’re only running out of time if you had planned on having it in the first place)
•“you were a child once, too” (yeah, so? — I mean really, where’s the logic in this argument? — how does my having experienced youth have anything to do with my decision to reproduce? — the two issues are entirely unrelated)
•“the children are our future” (but they aren’t the only thing that makes up our future — scientific advancement is our future — logical thinking skills are our future — intellectual discourse is our future — humanity toward our fellow man is our future — education is our future — fiscal responsibility is our future — creativity of expression is our future — whoever decided that the future was made up of nothing but screaming, squalling brats was a tad shortsighted, don’t you think?)
•“parenthood is the most important job in the world” (I don’t particularly think that carpooling to soccer practice and double-checking math homework and trying to prevent a horny 13-year-old from impregnating a classmate is any more valuable than what I or my husband or any other no-kidder does for a living — really, where do parents get off assuming that what they do is more important than anyone else’s job, just because they aren’t being paid? — what about that paramedic who resuscitates a drowning victim, or the fire fighter who keeps someone’s home from burning down, or a sociologist whose insight helps us understand each other a little better, or an artist whose work fills the world with beauty, or even a CPA who keeps someone from being audited by the IRS? — I’m sorry, but I value these pursuits as much as parenting — frankly, I think it’s arrogant and more than a little insulating to set yourself at the top of the heap, just because you gave birth — careers in science and math and music and medicine require skill, while reproduction is something any monkey can do)
•“don’t you want your parents to have grandchildren?” (well, my parents are both dead, so it’s really a moot point — they already had grandkids, thanks to my older sisters, and honestly, they weren’t so hot at being grandparents — not sure they really enjoyed the role, and they definitely weren’t like what you see on the Waltons — besides, it’s not my job to reproduce just so an older couple can have the joy of spoiling children they didn’t have to raise — if your parents want that, refer them to the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program — I never signed a contract with these people promising them offspring in return for giving me life, that’s just not part of the deal — and if they’re disappointed, they had unreasonable expectations to begin with)
•“don’t you like kids? or maybe you had an unhappy childhood?” (natalists always like to assume that there’s a “reason” for your remaining child-free — either you were abused as a youngster, or you hate children, or you’ve somehow been traumatized into a state of irrationality regarding childbirth — that may be true for some folks, but not for me — I like well-behaved kids very much, I just don’t want them in my house 24 hours a day — I had an incredibly happy childhood, and I’m grateful to my parents for everything they gave me as I was growing up — but that doesn’t automatically mean that I have any interest in following in their footsteps)
•“but your child could grow up to discover a cure for cancer” (sure, it could happen — but he could also grow up to be Charles Manson — I know every parent has high hopes for that darling little bundle of fluff in the bassinet — but you have to recognize that not every child is destined to become a valuable member of society — in fact, some turn out downright destructive — and no matter how good a parent you might try to be, no one has complete control over a kid’s personality — so many other factors can warp and twist him on his path to adulthood, then the parents are blamed for turning their offspring into a monster — I have to imagine that Ted Bundy’s mother carries around an enormous amount of guilt over what her son did — so why do I want to take that risk?)
•“it’s selfish to keep your future son or daughter from experiencing the world” (oh my lord — so every single egg that goes to waste in my body is the equivalent of me denying another person the chance to live? — if the kid isn’t even born yet, he doesn’t know what he’s missing, and he’s certainly not around to blame me for his lack of opportunity — as a Professional Organizer and a Simplicity Coach, I teach my clients to let go of the “should have’s” and “could have’s” — life is all about what is, not what “might” have been, and I refuse guilty because of something that never happened)
•“but you’d make a great parent” (I’m sure I would, probably better than most of the breeders that I see out there — but that doesn’t mean I want to be one — I might make a really excellent prostitute, but I have no interest in that particular career path — should I be required to do it anyway, just because I might be good at it? — I’m all for making the most of your strengths in life, but come on!)
•“you’ll grow up and change your mind eventually” (some people can’t stand it when others choose a different path in life than theirs — they like to assume, usually in a very patronizing tone of voice, that it’s just a youthful “phase,” a naive and incomplete understanding of the world — and that once you’ve accrued a sufficient level of maturity, you’ll see the light — well, I’ve been quite content with the decision not to breed for more than three and a half decades — I presume that if I were going to have matured any further, I would have done it by now — and I can’t even begin to imagine any sort of life-change that would convince me that I’ve made a mistake and cause me to suddenly reverse my stance at this late stage — at what point am I “grown-up” enough to make my own decisions?)
•“your life just isn’t complete without kids” (really? — this one is so irrational, I almost don’t know how to respond — all I can say is that “completeness” is in the eye of the beholder, and my life is plenty full without a yard full of kindercrap — what if I told you that your life isn’t complete until you’ve owned your own business? — or traveled the world? — or donated a kidney? — or learned to love sushi? — I would be holding you to a standard that has no meaning or relevance in your life at all — and that’s exactly what you’re doing when you suggest my life isn’t complete without rug rats)
•“why did you get married if you don’t want kids?” (because I love my spouse and want to spend the rest of my life with him — since when is marriage nothing but a vehicle for reproduction? — I’m sorry, but I just don’t view my husband as a stud horse — he’s more than just a penis, he’s my best friend and life companion — actually, I would ask the same question in reverse — if all you wanted from your mate was his semen, why get married? — you could have gotten what you needed from the local sperm bank with a lot less fuss and expense)
•“there won’t be anyone to carry on your family name” (if I want my family name remembered, then I’ll do something memorable, not count on my spawn to do it for me — I am too busy leaving other legacies to worry about whether or not I produce a child named “Creel”)
•“having kids was the best thing I ever did and I wouldn’t give them up for anything” (great, that’s how it should be — those that have children say they couldn’t imagine life without them — but those of us without offspring can’t and often don’t want to imagine life with them — we don’t know what we’re missing, so we can’t regret not having it — we’re entirely happy with what we’ve got now and don’t feel the need to fill any sort of a hole in our lives with kids — it’s a win-win all around — oh, and since this has been such an amazingly stellar experience for you, I shouldn’t have to listen to you bitch about your parenting responsibilities ever again, right?)
•“childbirth is a woman’s greatest achievement” (if the most I can hope to accomplish in life is squeezing a pink fleshy watermelon out of my vagina, then kill me now! — again, arrogant and insulting — I am accomplishing a great deal in my life, more than I ever would if I were busy changing diapers and cooking grilled-cheese sandwiches all day long — and if you discount the achievements of child-free women throughout history just because they never bore a baby, you’re a fool — we wouldn’t have the Red Cross or “Gone With The Wind” or the right to vote if it weren’t for no-kidders like Clara Barton, Margaret Mitchell, and Susan B. Anthony — blacks might still be at the back of the bus if Rosa Parks had stayed home that day to wipe runny noses — and where would all you daytime TV watchers be if Oprah had chosen to pump out a litter of kids instead of rule the airwaves? — screwed, that’s where!)
•“I’d just hate to end up a bitter, sad old woman” (I’m actually setting myself up for a very happy, contented elder-experience — and who says that YOU won’t be the one to end up sad and bitter? — I know many more crabby old breeders than crabby old no-kidders — in fact, the child-free are less likely to be depressed and resentful in their autumn years than those with a full brood for many reasons — first, you stand a better chance at fulfillment, having lived your life the way you wanted instead of playing the martyr to your kids needs — second, without all those unrealistic expectations about how your offspring will turn out, you have less opportunity for disappointment later in life — and third, you don’t have those feelings of abandonment that so many parents experience when their children leave home to have a life of their own and don’t come back for every single holiday and birthday and summer vacation — honestly, I think it’s a lot more bitter to try and make someone feel bad about their choice not to have kids — if you were personally contented with your own life, I don’t think you’d feel the need to spend so much energy worrying about how I structure mine)
•“you must be so lonely” (child, please — I’ve never been lonely a single day of my life — I have too many interests and too gregarious a personality to sit home moping, pining away, wishing I had a baby to keep me company — the fact that I don’t have children has actually paved the way for me to have much more stimulating and interesting relationships than many parents, whose social circle is often limited to the moms and dads of their kids’ friends — I’m free to travel the country and interact with all sorts of fascinating people, folks I never would have had a chance to know if I were stuck home all day with a kid — don’t worry about me, I’m just fine)
•“if everyone did what you’re doing, the population would die out” (first off, the human race is in more danger of killing itself off due to overpopulation than declining birth rates, so let’s jump off that bridge when we get to it — second, I’m not suggesting that no one else ever have kids again, I’m just making that choice for myself — third, unless we’re hit by some plague that causes world-wide sterility, it’s highly unlikely that our numbers will dip so low as to put us in danger — and really, would it be the worst thing in the world if people did eventually go the way of the dinosaurs? — you’ll be dead, so you won’t care that your legacy isn’t being carried on any longer — and nothing is meant to last forever — if and when that happens, it’ll just be our species’s time to go)
Make me laugh, but it is true!
“TMIJITW” is what breeders call it. If you don’t know what that stands for, Google that shit.
I am so fucking tired of hearing parents tell me that I am making a bad decision, that I’ll regret it, that I’ll grow old alone(I love the selfishness of that one), that nobody will take care of me when I’m old and senile, and that no man will want to marry a “bitter hag who hates children”.
You know, I’d rather regret not having children, as I can at least adopt if I choose to, but regretting having kids is a little tricky, since you know, you can’t just drop the kid off somewhere and be on your merry way. I also don’t understand how I’m making a “bad” decision when it involves my body, and I know my body best, don’t I?! But hey, everyone knows that strangers know you better…
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Sometimes, I go on random blogs and post my blog and my info in order to help those who wish to be come sterilized. This lady tried to guilt trip me into making me feel regret my decision and then tried to blame my decision because I wasn’t mature enough to assess the situation… We, as a people, need to learn how to mind our own business… I think I handled the situation nicely. How should I go about defending my decision and my blog?!
I am 23, single, and I have no kids. I am getting my tubes tied in two weeks. I made one appointment with only one doctor and he agreed to tie my tubes. There is a plan and process to getting your tubes tied. Need any help? http://www.tubestiednokids.wordpress….
Nancy, I respect your desire to not have children. A perfectly viable life choice. HOWEVER, I know very few people who feel at 33 the same as they felt at 23 about much of anything! Or 43. And so one. As a person whose option of birthing children was taken away from me by disease (altho’ not til I was older than you), I can tell you that the permanence factor is a big one. I find it slightly troubling that a good doctor would do it for you after one visit. Not saying you shouldn’t have it done. But that’s a pretty huge decision, affecting the rest of your left, to make at 23.
Thank you for responding to my post.
If you were to read my blog, I go into detail about the issues that you are addressing. I doubt you will read it, because it is not your cut up tea, that is fine. I’ll give you the short version. First of all, Mindy, I am so sorry that a disease took away your ability to have a child! You also have to understand that I am not getting my tubes tied simply because I do not want kids…. I have mental illnesses that I do not want to pass down to my child. I am still trying to deal with them to this day. It is not an easy thing to do. I am sure you know someone who has a mental illness. They usually aren’t happy campers. I also have a history of mental abuse, physical abuse, incest and rape in my family line. Every single person in my direct family line has issues. Everyone. I bet you can guess where my illnesses came from. I made a list to the best of my ability of my known parents, grandparents and great grandparents and what each of them did to their child all the way down to myself… It is sick to look at. The thing is, everyone in my family thinks that they did the best thing in order to “raise” their children. If I do have a child, my child will not have any maternal family. None.
Also, I am 23, I know I am young, I know that I may change my mind, not about having my tubes tied, but about having a child. As of now, I say that I will never want children. But, if I do want children in the near future, I will happily adopt a child. There are children out there who will never have parents. I will be there for one of them… If I change my mind. So you see, Mindy, I am not getting my tubes tied just because of some childish “I don’t want kids” statement. It goes deeper than that. Think of the ladies with MENTAL ILLNESSNESS that killed their kids?? Not saying that I would kill my kids, but the first thing the breeders say is “Wow, she shouldn’t have had children” or “America shouldn’t let women with mental illnesses have children.”
Nothing is ever good enough for you people.
Have a great day!
babies, Birth control, breeder, childfree, childless, children, Connecticut, kids, ligation, no kids, Planned Parenthood, single, Social anxiety disorder, Sterilization, tied, Tubal ligation, tubes, young
Part 4a Getting your reasons together. PART FOUR IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART… IT WILL MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU…
Like I said, you can’t just go into a doctor’s office and say, “Ok, I want my tubes tied. I am young with no kids, but I just don’t like kids! 😀 Can you do it, please? Maybe tomorrow?” The doctor will kick you out of his (I am just going to use male pronouns, much easier to type.) office for wasting his time. I dug in my pile of “important papers” aka trash and found my list of reasons why I wanted my tubes tied from Most Important to Least Important. These are basically cliff notes. I don’t recall reading them word for word.
I’ve always known that I did not want children. I was around babies for a couple of years because my mom had a daycare. (I used this to show that I am no stranger to babies and I’ve been around them for quite a long time even though I am an only child)
I have zero contact with my parents/family. They are in [a different state, 20 hours away]. I only have an aunt in *****, CT(again, this is about an hour or two from my town) who is a newly wed and she has a son in high school. She doesn’t have the time, energy nor finances to help me with a baby now or in the future.
(Then I had a note to show the doctor my family tree.) I further explained the dysfunction between EVERYONE in my direct family and how I didn’t want to pass down my family history to my child. History repeats itself and it has every time in my family…
I don’t want to pass my Social Anxiety Disorder or my depression into my baby. It’s been heck dealing with alone and I am just now getting the hang of this(life). ( It is also, pretty much mandatory that you say, to some extent that if you ever decide to have children in the future, you will adopt, because there are children in this world that do not have parents…. Again, you have to say this. I said it at one point with my convo with the doctor. It is not a lie for me to say it, but I understand that we cannot see into the future. Hell, I’m only 23. As of now, I am certain that I do not want any kids in any way, shape or form, but by saying this, you show that, yes, you may, indeed, change you mind, and if you do, you’ll do a good deed by adopting and that you understand that we, as humans, change our minds frequently.)
I don’t know what to do with a baby. I am still learning human emotions in adults.(Again, I am getting over SAD. It’s sometimes hard for me to understand if someone is joking or not. I’ve had people yell at me and couldn’t understand if they were mad at me or playing around. It’s difficult at times, but I am getting a lot better!)
Right now, I work at a gas station and I am in school trying to get my life together at 23. I want to focus on bettering myself and on my career. (Here, I also had a copy of my Fafsa Independent status. It is hard to be considered an “independent student” when applying for school loans. I will not go into much detail about this. Just know that a child has to be pretty much family-ness to apply for this status. There are a lot of background checks to test your facts.)
*Here is where the doctor stopped me. I didn’t have to read the rest of my list***
I WILL have an abortion if I am pregnant. I’ve had pregnancy scares and that was my first thought… But I do not ever want to get one of those. But I will if I have to. (shows how serious/desperate I am.)
Birth Control messed me up, it is not an option. ( and it really has. I’ve tried the pill(it made me moody and made me gain a bit of weight), the ring(loved it, but it made my ankles swell up!), the patch(It kept coming off, I was paranoid. it also kept a permanent square of the sticky residue on my skin), the shot(made my period stay on full flow for three months and three weeks. I was already poor during that time, and I had to pay a LOT OF MONEY on tampons. I was miserable, plus I couldn’t have sex!) and I think another kind, but I don’t remember. I was in high school during this time)
Sterilization will just be cheaper for everyone. I don’t want to keep paying for trips to the doctor to pick up birth control or have my insurance pay for birth control. If I just get this sterilization done…. it will just be a lot cheaper for everyone in the long run!
Those were all of my reasons listed in order of importance.
I have other reasons that are selfish, but I think that all of us non-breeders have selfish reasons, sometimes. We don’t want to give up Our lives to raise up a child. Sounds fine to me. lol
When you have your reasons, feel free to email them to me so I can go over it with you! 😉
You guys and gals are probably normal, so you don’t have to bring in lists and you can talk about things off of the top of your head. I would suggest still bringing a list. You may forget your most important reasons and will explain your self with a lot of Uhhhh’s and ummmmm’s which will make you sound unsure of yourself and your decision.
4b. Gathering supportive material
Again, I’ll be the first to say that if your reason for wanting your tubes tied is only “I don’t want kids” you may want to wait a while. I am by no means knocking you for wanting to be child free, but you HAVE to have other sub-reasons. Do you just not like kids? Do you not want to bring a child into this cruel world? You have to have another reason…
Anyway, Gather any supportive material to plead your case. I bought my FAFSA independent status, a family tree, and I bought a list of questions to make myself look eager to take notes(and mostly, because I would forget all of my questions). If you have an illness you don’t want passed down to your child or there is an illness that pops up randomly in your family, bring proof. Also, if you have a supportive spouse or husband, bring him along, also. I wouldn’t suggest bringing in anyone else with you while you are speaking to the doctor. Your bestie or your mom can’t help plead your case; they have no say so over your body. I can’t think of any other examples. You should be able to find some based on your own individual needs and reasons.
5. Making the appointment. You can do this step before 4, or after. I did Step 4 after step 5.
I first called Planned Parenthood to see if they offered any sterilizations, but they cannot do them in the state of Connecticut. They gave me a list of doctors around the area that offer sterilization. I dialed the first number and the conversation went something like this:
Lady: Hi, Thanks for calling ********. How may I help you?
Me: Hi, I would like to make an appointment to see if I am eligible for sterilization.
Lady: Ok, What’s your Name?(and birth date, blah blah)
Me: Before we set an actual date, I am 23, single and I have no kids. I do not want to come there unless a doctor is willing to listen to me. (I hear about people going to the doctor just to get turned away as soon as they arrive. I am wondering if they actually made an appointment to discuss sterilization or if the doctor was aware of the lady’s age or number of kids.)
Lady:… Oh. Hold on for one moment.
Five minutes later
Lady: Ok, the doctor will see you on [date].
Well, I had my first appointment. I didn’t know if I should make a whole string of appointments Just in Case or if I should book one at a time. This appointment was more than an month away. I thought about it, and decided to just keep that one appointment and if I get denied, I can see what I did wrong and try to improve it. I guess I was just blessed because, as you know, I got approved my first go-round. I honestly don’t know which method works the best. That is for you to decide.
6. Bingos!!!!!!! http://whynokids.com/advice-tips/breeder-bingo/
I believe that this website coined the word “Breeder Bingo.” It is a list of things that doctors and people will say/ask to detour you away from the idea of being Child Free. Familiarize yourself with this list and look for other on a search engine like Google. I will post some later. Make sure you have an answer for most of them. Some examples:
◾Who will take care of you when you are old?
◾You’ll change your mind.
◾If everyone didn’t have kids, the human race would die out!
◾But the Bible said “Go forth and multiply!”
◾Don’t you want to hear the pitter patter of little feet?
I wrote down a lot of breeder bingos with my answers to them. Again, I have to do things like this in order to compete with normal functioning people.
7. GOOD LUCK, GODSPEED.
If I remember anything else, I’ll be sure to post it! Any suggestions or comments?!
On the day of my appointment, I was very nervous. I couldn’t sleep the night before. I was constantly thinking about it and wondering what the doctor that I never been to before would say. My appointment was at 10:45. I got lost so I arrived at around 10:55. I got called back about twenty minutes later and was sent to an office type room. I was asked by the nurse why I needed to see the doctor today. I told her and, of course, she looked at me like I was crazy, but then composed herself and said that the doctor would be right in…. So, about 40 minutes passed and the nurse came in again and said the Dr. had to deliver a baby so he would see me in about 30 minutes. Fine by me, even though I was bored and anxious to get this over with. Forty minutes later, The doctor came in and we did our introductions. He was very nice. He asked what he could do for me. I told him that I wanted to see if he would approve me for a tubal litigation. I told him that I wrote everything down because it was hard to keep a train of thought. He said that that was fine. I started talking about my reasons, and showed him my family tree. (I had everything written out. Each topic was in order of importance and in such an order to make sure it flowed well) He stopped me after my third reason and said “Okay, I’ve listened to you, now it’s your turn to listen to me. You have very good reasons so far to have this done. You do understand that this is permanent? This is the most effective type of birth control, but it does fail sometimes. Have you considered any other birth control or long term birth control?” Of course, I said I looked into it, but didn’t find anything that I would like to try… I also told him that I tried almost every type of birth control and they all messed me up in some way!
He also told me about the two types of tubal litigations, Essure and traditional. He asked which one I preferred. I told him traditional. We talked some more about the operation and then he asked me if I had any questions. I told him that I wanted to know if my insurance would take care of everything. He said all that I needed to do was sign “Tubal Ligation Papers” and that they would have to be signed for 30 days. After 30 days and my next period, I can schedule my appointment to get my tubies tied! Since I had my period a week before my appointment, As soon as I have my period, I can schedule my appointment(after the 30 day wait)! I am more relieved than anything.
Now that I have an official date(August 15th) I am so super excited. I never had any type of surgery before, so I am a little nervous about that, but other than that, I am so totally happy and relieved!!!!!!! I will keep you guys updated. I also have a “pre-op” appointment on the 1st of August, whatever that is. I have no idea what is going to be done in this first appointment, but I am assuming the doctor is going to go over the surgery in detail, give me a time for the surgery, give me a prescription for meds and maybe ask if I have any doubt or any questions. Thanks for reading!
The first day I spent seriously researching Tubal Litigation, I came across this blog. This blog inspired me to go out and pursue my child-free life! Give it a read!
If you have 0.1% doubt that you may regret this decision, DON’T DO IT. Take a couple of days to think about this decisions and how it will affect you. You will never(if successful) be able to have baby. Reversal is an option, but often costly, not covered by insurance and does not have a high success rate… You even have to consider the negatives.
-Who will take care of you when you get older
-Are you prepared for the negative comments from the “normal” people
-Will you feel jealous of other people with children
-If single, are you prepared to tell your boyfriend that you had your tubes tied?
-If married, what if your hubby changes his mind and wants kids?
These concerns and many others should come to play. I suggest talking to someone, but not just ANYONE. You’d be surprised how many people who love you and care about you will turn your back on you or make rude remarks when you tell them that you do not want kids. I suggest speaking to someone who is open mined about the surgery(Me! email@example.com) to give you positive feedback. If you do contact me and I feel that the surgery is not a good fit, I’ll let you know! Having kids isn’t for everyone, but having your tubes tied is not for everyone, either….
2. Research different types of birth control FIRST!
There are many, many types of birth control is this world and a lot of it is given for free. There may be an option for you that you never considered. If you are looking for something more…. longer lasting, try looking up IUD’s…. If none of these are for you, lets go to the next step.
3. Research different types of sterilization
Or even consider male sterilization!!!
Laparoscopic sterilization — Laparoscopic sterilization is a surgical procedure that is done in an operating room at a time other than after childbirth. General or regional (eg, spinal) anesthesia is usually recommended. During the procedure, a small incision is made near the belly button and in the lower abdomen and a telescope-like device (a laparoscope) is used to view the fallopian tubes. The physician uses rings or clips to close the fallopian tubes; alternately, the physician seals the tubes shut with heat.
Minilaparotomy — A minilaparotomy is a surgical procedure done one to two days after childbirth. It is done in an operating room using general, regional, or local anesthesia. The physician makes a small incision (one to three inches) in the abdomen, then removes a section of the fallopian tubes on each side. In the postpartum period, the procedure does not lengthen the hospital stay.
One advantage of minilaparotomy is that a tissue specimen is removed to ensure that the fallopian tubes have been completely cut. Disadvantages of minilaparotomy include a greater need for pain medication, a slightly longer recovery time, and a larger surgical incision than with a laparoscopic procedure .
(Essure)Hysteroscopic sterilization — Hysteroscopic sterilization is a procedure that may be done in the office or operating room using local anesthesia. The Essure permanent birth control procedure uses a tiny coil mechanism, which is inserted through the cervix and uterus into the fallopian tubes (picture 1).
I’ve read a review about the doctor that was going to do my surgery; the grammar wasn’t horrible, but it was bad. I can’t speak about others’ grammar, but hers was noteworthy. She claims that this doctor tied her tubes, knowing that she would want to have more kids in the future. I believe she had the “clamps” put on her tubes, I am not sure, and she was angry that the surgery, commonly referred to as getting your tubes tied, made it kinda difficult to have babies in the future.
Kathrine D. May 21, 2012
Dreams lost is Haste ★☆☆☆☆
First off I want to thank DR ********* for delivering 3 out of 5 of my children. He was an awesome Dr. to me and I really wish he had been there for my last child due to the fact he knew me, my background and what I wanted for my future. Well Doc, I did not get the care you thought your fellow Doctors would give me.
Now the hard cold truth:
As a OBGYN, ****** was great. BUT- do not ask for a tubal ligation if you EVER want to have children again! I was told I would be able to reverse my tubal in 7 years if I wanted to try to have a family again. I agreed. After I gave birth to my daughter, This DR and Dr ******* each took a side and stated “On your Mark, Get set… GO!!” Needless to say I CANNOT have a reversal! THEY STERILIZED ME! To this day I have Bowel problems, anger issues, weight problems and pain! My periods are all messed up and the most important, I can NEVER have another baby! Thanks alot jerks, glad that a “Race” was more important than the well-being or wishes of your patient. the only drug in my system was for the spinal they put on you for surgery. All nurses LEFT the operating room and all that was left was me and these two doctors. If you doubt who I am if you are reading this, check medical records for Oct 31, 2003 Mid-State Medical Center. Operation C-Section Tubal Ligation(NOT STERILIZATION!). Thanks for killing my dreams.
Now that I go back and re-read this, This isn’t actually talking about my doctor. The first set of stars was my doctor’s name. The second and third set were two different names. This post is all over the place and does not make sense. What I am getting from reading this nightmarish review is that she wanted a permanent birth control option for seven years and then she wanted to have an easy reversal when she was ready to have kids. Uh, Sounds like she needs an IUD…. I say she is an idiot for not researching for herself. Plus, my doctor went into detail and made sure that I knew that this was pretty much permanent…
4. Get your information together!
If you are a single, young lady, you cannot just go into a doctor’s office and tell the doctor that you want your tubes tied. S/he will definitely say NO! You need to have information upon information. I generally think that you need a legitimate reason for wanting your tubes tied or else it may just be a passing fad in your life. Your first reason should be that you do not want kids. You want this to be your first and foremost reason because it nullifies all of the reversals the doctors will try to make on your other statements. Anything other than this reason leaves room for the doctor to question you.
-I don’t make enough money, The doctor will say that you may get another job to support yourself.
-I don’t want to ruin my body…. Ok, this is just a no-no to even bring up. This is one of my reasons, also, but I would never tell it to anyone(except you, dear readers) and it is like the last reason on my list…
-I could never see myself as a parent, the doctor will say that you need to mature some more.
Basically, anything other than you just plain not wanting kids and the risks of passing down certain illnesses can be countered successfully. So, give either of the two reasons as your first reason, and then, go with your sub reasons, whatever they might be. I’ll make a list of good reasons, bad reasons and how they are all countered by a doctor in another thread.
I think it will be slightly easier for you to have this done, if you have a child or two or three. Not entirely easier, but you can use your kids as an advantage in your reasonings.
Also, don’t lie. If you do lie, make it a white lie. Sometimes you need to do what you have to do. I am not talking about telling your doctor that you have cancer when you really don’t. But sometimes, you can…. fudge the truth. I can say that I didn’t really have to do this…. It’s your call.
Part 2 is coming later. Thank you for reading.
- Mother Got Pregnant After Tubal Ligation: Texas Woman Destini Free Only Found Out She Was Pregnant After Her Waters Broke, Surprised Mom Had Her Tubes Tied 10 Months Ago (katenews2day.com)
- Family Planning Through Female Sterilization: Potential Relief Or Permanent Regret? (medicaldaily.com)
- Sweeny woman shocked by pregnancy after having ‘tubes tied’ (khou.com)
- Why is the happily childless woman seen as the unicorn of society? (newstatesman.com)
- Teen girl wants to remain childless (lfpress.com)
I did a lot of thinking. I told myself that if I had a bit of doubt, I was going to stop. I first looked at birth control to see if there was a less dramatic approach. I didn’t see anything that tickled my fancy. A couple of years ago, I tried almost every birth control on the market. I’ve used two kinds of birth control pills, the ring, the patch, and the shot. They all messed me up in some way! From a period that lasted for three months and three weeks to swollen ankles to facial hair and my body becoming hairier! Not cool, birth control, not cool! I thought about an IUD. One transferred hormones to the blood stream, but the user is not supposed to notice anything. Based on my history with birth control, I quickly ruled that out. There was a copper IUD, but just the idea of it slipping out of place and piercing something makes my stomach turn! Once I ruled those things out, I looked into getting my tubes tied. I saw a method called the Essure. Again, I was not trilled at the idea of metal coils being pushed into my tubes. So, On to the traditional surgery. I read everything I could about it. The positives, the negatives, the amount of pain. Any and everything on the subject. Personal accounts, both positive and negative played a huge role in my decision. I decided that I wanted to go with the more tradition surgery. I knew I didn’t want my tubes simply cut. I know a lady who had her tubes cut and she got pregnant and carried it until full term! That was enough to scare me! I, then, looked up positives and negatives of having children and not having children. My decision never wavered. Next, it was time for me to see how doctors reacted to single, young ladies with no children who want the surgery done. Not very good. Hell, even ladies in their 30’s with no kids got turned down repeatedly. The younger ones never even got seen because they were turned away so fast! Not the thing that I wanted to read, but that was the reality of the situation. I figured I couldn’t just go to the doctor and say, “I want to get my tubes tied!” and expect it to be done. I had to make sure my reasons were legitimate.
I called Planned Parenthood to see if they did any sterilizations at all, but, in Connecticut, they are not allowed to do it. They gave me a list of people who did it in the area. I thanked her and called the first doctor on the list. I asked about setting an appointment to see if I am eligible to get my tubes tied. ….. and also told her that I am 23, single with no children. The secretary said, “Oh! Um, I guess I can still set you up with an appointment…” I told her that If the doctor isn’t going to at least hear me out, I’ll go elsewhere. She put me on hold for about 10 minutes and set me up with an appointment, a month later. I was thrilled that someone would see me, but also terrified. I hate arguing or being assertive, especially when I am trying to prove a point to the other party.
I begin looking up common questions that doctors ask whose who want their tubes tied. Common comments like “You were a kid once”, “Don’t cheat your child out of life” and “You’re too young” came up. I wrote a long list of questions I may encounter and my response to them so I can have them memorized. Again, I have to memorize my answers because my train of thought during conversations that may become possible arguments are horrible. I get sweaty and start studdering and forgetting what I was even going to say. I also wrote down a list of my reasons, made a family tree(my family tree is horrible. A lot of family not talking to each other, unknown grandparents and child abuse), and proof that I am considered independent on my FAFSA which is a hard thing to do unless you are 100% taking care of yourself. I also made a list of questions that I had for the doctor, if we made it that far, but I was optimistic. I did wonder if I should make a string of appointments with different doctors just to have them set up, but, I didn’t. I looked up reviews of the doctor and he mostly has high ratings. I put all of my eggs in a basket and decided to just see him, and if he told me no, I’d learn from my mistakes and try again.