babies, Birth control, breeder, childfree, childless, children, Connecticut, kids, ligation, no kids, Planned Parenthood, single, Social anxiety disorder, Sterilization, tied, Tubal ligation, tubes, young
Part 4a Getting your reasons together. PART FOUR IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART… IT WILL MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU…
Like I said, you can’t just go into a doctor’s office and say, “Ok, I want my tubes tied. I am young with no kids, but I just don’t like kids! 😀 Can you do it, please? Maybe tomorrow?” The doctor will kick you out of his (I am just going to use male pronouns, much easier to type.) office for wasting his time. I dug in my pile of “important papers” aka trash and found my list of reasons why I wanted my tubes tied from Most Important to Least Important. These are basically cliff notes. I don’t recall reading them word for word.
I’ve always known that I did not want children. I was around babies for a couple of years because my mom had a daycare. (I used this to show that I am no stranger to babies and I’ve been around them for quite a long time even though I am an only child)
I have zero contact with my parents/family. They are in [a different state, 20 hours away]. I only have an aunt in *****, CT(again, this is about an hour or two from my town) who is a newly wed and she has a son in high school. She doesn’t have the time, energy nor finances to help me with a baby now or in the future.
(Then I had a note to show the doctor my family tree.) I further explained the dysfunction between EVERYONE in my direct family and how I didn’t want to pass down my family history to my child. History repeats itself and it has every time in my family…
I don’t want to pass my Social Anxiety Disorder or my depression into my baby. It’s been heck dealing with alone and I am just now getting the hang of this(life). ( It is also, pretty much mandatory that you say, to some extent that if you ever decide to have children in the future, you will adopt, because there are children in this world that do not have parents…. Again, you have to say this. I said it at one point with my convo with the doctor. It is not a lie for me to say it, but I understand that we cannot see into the future. Hell, I’m only 23. As of now, I am certain that I do not want any kids in any way, shape or form, but by saying this, you show that, yes, you may, indeed, change you mind, and if you do, you’ll do a good deed by adopting and that you understand that we, as humans, change our minds frequently.)
I don’t know what to do with a baby. I am still learning human emotions in adults.(Again, I am getting over SAD. It’s sometimes hard for me to understand if someone is joking or not. I’ve had people yell at me and couldn’t understand if they were mad at me or playing around. It’s difficult at times, but I am getting a lot better!)
Right now, I work at a gas station and I am in school trying to get my life together at 23. I want to focus on bettering myself and on my career. (Here, I also had a copy of my Fafsa Independent status. It is hard to be considered an “independent student” when applying for school loans. I will not go into much detail about this. Just know that a child has to be pretty much family-ness to apply for this status. There are a lot of background checks to test your facts.)
*Here is where the doctor stopped me. I didn’t have to read the rest of my list***
I WILL have an abortion if I am pregnant. I’ve had pregnancy scares and that was my first thought… But I do not ever want to get one of those. But I will if I have to. (shows how serious/desperate I am.)
Birth Control messed me up, it is not an option. ( and it really has. I’ve tried the pill(it made me moody and made me gain a bit of weight), the ring(loved it, but it made my ankles swell up!), the patch(It kept coming off, I was paranoid. it also kept a permanent square of the sticky residue on my skin), the shot(made my period stay on full flow for three months and three weeks. I was already poor during that time, and I had to pay a LOT OF MONEY on tampons. I was miserable, plus I couldn’t have sex!) and I think another kind, but I don’t remember. I was in high school during this time)
Sterilization will just be cheaper for everyone. I don’t want to keep paying for trips to the doctor to pick up birth control or have my insurance pay for birth control. If I just get this sterilization done…. it will just be a lot cheaper for everyone in the long run!
Those were all of my reasons listed in order of importance.
I have other reasons that are selfish, but I think that all of us non-breeders have selfish reasons, sometimes. We don’t want to give up Our lives to raise up a child. Sounds fine to me. lol
When you have your reasons, feel free to email them to me so I can go over it with you! 😉
You guys and gals are probably normal, so you don’t have to bring in lists and you can talk about things off of the top of your head. I would suggest still bringing a list. You may forget your most important reasons and will explain your self with a lot of Uhhhh’s and ummmmm’s which will make you sound unsure of yourself and your decision.
4b. Gathering supportive material
Again, I’ll be the first to say that if your reason for wanting your tubes tied is only “I don’t want kids” you may want to wait a while. I am by no means knocking you for wanting to be child free, but you HAVE to have other sub-reasons. Do you just not like kids? Do you not want to bring a child into this cruel world? You have to have another reason…
Anyway, Gather any supportive material to plead your case. I bought my FAFSA independent status, a family tree, and I bought a list of questions to make myself look eager to take notes(and mostly, because I would forget all of my questions). If you have an illness you don’t want passed down to your child or there is an illness that pops up randomly in your family, bring proof. Also, if you have a supportive spouse or husband, bring him along, also. I wouldn’t suggest bringing in anyone else with you while you are speaking to the doctor. Your bestie or your mom can’t help plead your case; they have no say so over your body. I can’t think of any other examples. You should be able to find some based on your own individual needs and reasons.
5. Making the appointment. You can do this step before 4, or after. I did Step 4 after step 5.
I first called Planned Parenthood to see if they offered any sterilizations, but they cannot do them in the state of Connecticut. They gave me a list of doctors around the area that offer sterilization. I dialed the first number and the conversation went something like this:
Lady: Hi, Thanks for calling ********. How may I help you?
Me: Hi, I would like to make an appointment to see if I am eligible for sterilization.
Lady: Ok, What’s your Name?(and birth date, blah blah)
Me: Before we set an actual date, I am 23, single and I have no kids. I do not want to come there unless a doctor is willing to listen to me. (I hear about people going to the doctor just to get turned away as soon as they arrive. I am wondering if they actually made an appointment to discuss sterilization or if the doctor was aware of the lady’s age or number of kids.)
Lady:… Oh. Hold on for one moment.
Five minutes later
Lady: Ok, the doctor will see you on [date].
Well, I had my first appointment. I didn’t know if I should make a whole string of appointments Just in Case or if I should book one at a time. This appointment was more than an month away. I thought about it, and decided to just keep that one appointment and if I get denied, I can see what I did wrong and try to improve it. I guess I was just blessed because, as you know, I got approved my first go-round. I honestly don’t know which method works the best. That is for you to decide.
6. Bingos!!!!!!! http://whynokids.com/advice-tips/breeder-bingo/
I believe that this website coined the word “Breeder Bingo.” It is a list of things that doctors and people will say/ask to detour you away from the idea of being Child Free. Familiarize yourself with this list and look for other on a search engine like Google. I will post some later. Make sure you have an answer for most of them. Some examples:
◾Who will take care of you when you are old?
◾You’ll change your mind.
◾If everyone didn’t have kids, the human race would die out!
◾But the Bible said “Go forth and multiply!”
◾Don’t you want to hear the pitter patter of little feet?
I wrote down a lot of breeder bingos with my answers to them. Again, I have to do things like this in order to compete with normal functioning people.
7. GOOD LUCK, GODSPEED.
If I remember anything else, I’ll be sure to post it! Any suggestions or comments?!